Moms vs Dads

I was listening to some research the other day about single parent families and the roles of fathers and mothers in families. It was very interesting. One of the points to come out of the research was that it seems that while the “MOTHER” role and the “FATHER” role are each important in their own right, of equal importance is the child being exposed to the interplay between those roles.

Watching Dad’s and Mom’s over the last little while, I've seen some consistencies. Moms are generally the more protective, nurturing and comforting element of the family. When a kid falls down, 9 times out of 10, they want mom to hug it better. Mom rushes to pick toddler up 2meters before the big descending step is reached. Mom has all eventualities prepared for in her bag, from wet wipes to snacks (It's actually quite amazing!)

Dad is a little different. Dad sees the big step getting closer and closer and adopts a “let’s see what happens” approach. Dad allows toddler to push out into the unknown a little, before stepping in if there’s definitely going to be a bad ending. Dad shows the little monster HOW to get down the big step. Dad let’s something (small) happen and then says “Well that wasn’t clever! Next time try this…”

When the football game is lost, Mom says “It’s just a game”, Dad says “You guys should try XYZ next time. Don’t worry you’ll get em next time, can’t win em all!”

In broad, Mom must learn to nurture and protect, without overprotecting.

Dad must learnt to teach and judge without crushing or tyrannising.

The interplay between these 2 poles hopefully gives the child a familial, friendly taste of how the world at large will treat them. Some people will love them. Some people will judge them. Life is going to be hard and lessons will need to be learned.

Not much BJJ in this one, although you definitely get the rough with the smooth in training. Some people will “let you work” and figure things out, others may have had a bad day and you’ll definitely be “the nail” for their “hammer” that session.

I (as a Dad) appreciate the fact that this is a REAL martial art (Jiu Jitsu, that is). While we agreeing on one rule of engagement (no striking), my training partners are resisting completely and we are “fighting” in the most real, yet friendly and consensual, sense of the word. There is no faking, no pretence, or weird "chi" or "energy". Everything is real, and the mats tell the truth 100% of the time.

Resistance shapes and strengthens us. This is the way of world. This is the way of the Dad as well.