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I Don't Wanna!


It’s 6 weeks into my white belt journey. I am starting to get a vague sense of whats going on, which only serves to plunge me deeper into the the depths of a Dunning Kruger dip really. It’s difficult. It’s painful. My ribs hurt, my elbows feel bruised constantly. I have dull bruises all over my forearms and shins.


I really don’t feel like sparring because it means being twisted, cranked, choked and joint locked repeatedly by pretty much everyone in the class. It means being humbled by someone physically smaller than you, and “SMESHED” (as Khabib would say) by guys with 30kgs on me. It sucks.


That's me. In the black. Getting triangled. Again.


But thats the gig. That’s what I signed up for.


At home….I just want to sleep. The 8/9/10month sleep regression is here and real for my daughter. The sleep ritual that used to take 10mins has been nearly 2 hrs once or twice lately. 2hrs of feeding, rocking, swaying, lullabying, white noising….and silently praying, to get my daughter to go to sleep. Its hard, it’s frustrating, it’s time consuming and tiring….But that’s the gig.


For now, I tell myself that I’m a grown ass man, and a little bit of hardship I should really be able to deal with. She’s growing. Her brain is experiencing amazing new things every day and that makes her all fired up and not want to sleep. She is as exhausted as I am, if not more….I just need to suck it up and get on with the grind.


The grind is the way of the white belt.


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